I thought I’d post a few of my recent Aardvark answers here. Aardvark is a social network in which people ask and answer a variety of questions, using either instant messaging clients or email.

Q. If I weigh 225, is purchasing a Vespa still a good idea? Will it hold me?

A. This guy looks like he weighs about that…

Q. How many and which birds can fly backwards?

A. As far as I know, the hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards (it’s able to use its wings a bit like a helicopter).

Q. I was given the honor to officiate my friend’s wedding ceremony; I have to give a speech but don’t know where to start. Can anyone give any tips or web resources? Google hasn’t been too helpful in this regard.

A. Tips about speaking at weddings.

1) Keep your remarks short – no more than 5 minutes.

2) Make the audience laugh. One way to accomplish this is to point out the wedding party’s (less-important) faults. In other words, use the blunt truth as a tool for humor.

3) Make the audience cry. If you find yourself tearing up when you write something, use it. If you are worried you can’t deliver the whole speech without tears, you’re in the right ballpark. If you can make the audience run the whole gamut from laughter to tears in the course of 5 minutes, you will have done splendidly.

4) Keep your remarks focused on the wedding couple, yet make it personal.

Q. What if the hokey pokey is really what it all about?

A. I would find it deeply comforting to know that the Hokey Pokey was indeed what it is all about. It would mean life has a known meaning. A somewhat cryptic, but perhaps ultimately knowable meaning, as opposed to the indecipherable thicket we actually find ourselves in. One would merely need to put one’s right foot in…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 at 7:09 am and is filed under Linkydinks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.